CRYING
WHY YOUR BABY CRIES…
Your baby's cry is his alert to you that something needs fixing and he can't fix it himself.
When you pick him up and do whatever he needs, your baby learns that problems can be solved. This makes him feel secure and helps settle him.
And even though he is very young, by nurturing him like this, you are teaching his new mind that when he's feeling uncomfortable, it's not going to last forever. By providing him with comfort, his brain is being wired in a way that tells him that problems get solved. This is very important to his outoook on life.
THE MOST COMMON CAUSES OF A BABY CRYING …
Babies cry because they are uncomfortable and need attention. This usually means they are …
- wet or dirty
- hungry
- tired
- cold
- feeling pain
- feeling lonely, neglected or scared
- just cranky and in need of soothing
It could be a combination of these - but that's about it. A man can fix just about all of these things.
When your baby cries, she might sound like she is in great pain. She's probably not.
SOOTHING A CRYING BABY…
… A MAN CAN DO IT … IS EASIER THAN YOU THINK
Even if your baby isn’t wet or hungry or cold, there will be lots of time when she will get fussy and cry and you won’t know why. It's probably not colic - people often blame colic as a common cause of baby's crying.
When your baby is crying for 'no reason' - which means he's not hungry, doesn't have wind and has a dry nappy - try these 5 things … which make the baby feel more like it did before he was born.
• Swaddling – wrapping her very snuggly in a baby blanket with her arms down so she can’t move much and her arms can’t pop out. This is how it was inside the womb.
• Side or stomach – hold her on her side or stomach. Babies should always sleep on their back, but when he is crying she is best comforted on her side or tummy.
• Shushing – make a ‘white noise’ near her ear that is louder than you think might be comfortable. It was very loud in the womb (as loud as a vacuum cleaner!) with the women's blood rushing, her heart beating and her breathing in and out. This constant 'white noise' reminds your baby of how secure she was before she was born.
• Swinging – (really a continuous, firm jiggling movement) – which is how your baby experienced the world when he was riding around inside his mother. Your partner was seldom still when she was pregnant, even when she was asleep - the baby was being bounced around much of the time.
• Sucking – on your finger or on her own hand. Wait a couple weeks til she is breastfeeding well before introducing a dummy
These 5S's work a treat. It was paediatrician Dr Harvey Karp, who identified these things are similar to the experience your baby had before she was born. She was held tightly in the womb and constantly jiggled while living in the very loud environment of her mother’s body with rushing blood and heartbeat thumping. Your baby got this warm, reassuring treatment 100% the time! It takes months for her to adjust to living in the outside world. So it soothes her if you do these these things that remind her of the good old days .
You can find lots of YouTube clips of Dr Karp - which are mostly daytime TV programmes. Here is a good clip of an ordinary dad easily using the method.
CRYING: WHAT DOESN’T WORK…
Shouting at the baby won’t make her stop crying. She may stop briefly (if she is momentarily frightened) but she will start up again – probably even worse. Babies can't cope with loud, violent voices!
If you begin to lose it around your crying baby, get some space – some distance. If you feel you can't take it anymore and there’s no one there to take the baby, put her in a safe place and go into the next room or take yourself outside. Do the deep breathing thing. Breathing deep will help you get a grip.
Remember, your baby doesn’t want to cry, it’s not a choice she’s made. If she's crying it's because she can’t help it and she probably feels worse than you do!
NEVER SHAKE A BABY
If you shake a baby enough to make her stop crying, you will have done her injury that she may never recover from, like…
- blindness by detaching the optic nerve from her eye
- brain damage from her brain rattling against the side of her skull
- paralysis by damaging or severing her spine or neck
We say it again: NEVER SHAKE A BABY!!!
LEAVING HIM TO 'CRY HIMSELF OUT'…
… IS BAD FOR YOUR BABY
Myth: sometimes a baby just has to cry himself out … this is not true!
Leaving him to 'cry himself out' does not teach a young baby to toughen up. It teaches him that no one is there for him. When he cries and isn't soothed, he feels more and more out of control. A baby who is left to cry and cry learns that the world is a terrifying place.
A baby who works themself into a huge cry is flooded by the 'stress hormone' cortisol. This chemical increases his blood pressure and blood sugar. If he is regularly left to cry for long periods, this chemical interferes with his metabolism, weakens his immune system and interrupts his brain’s development.
Picking up and soothing a crying baby eases off cortisol production and lets him get back into a calm space. In calmness, his body functions normally and his brain carries on growing and ‘wiring’ itself. These good things are interrupted by excessive crying.
Fact: A baby does NOT learn self-control or patience by being left to cry.
Fact: a baby learns how to sooth himself … from you, by how you sooth him.